Happy Mothers Day!

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh


As Mothers Day approaches each year, I think how different, yet wonderful life has been for me over the last five and one half years. Wonderful, yes, being a mother has been the best thing to ever happen to me. Different, that too. Every woman changes once she becomes a mother but being a mother of a  child with autism has changed me in so many more ways than I expected. I don't believe the old Tina can ever exist again.
For years after Angelina was born I tried to find that old Tina. I wanted desperately to be her again. The Tina that could make everything better by working extra hard and "fixing" the problem. The Tina who could care less what the world thought about her life and decisions. The Tina that didn't need anyone else help or guidance. The Tina who loved to climb the corporate ladder. The Tina who was in control of all her life's curve balls. The Tina who wasn't afraid of just about anything in life. The Tina who could handle it all. The Tina who wanted to make everyone happy.
After having a child born nine weeks premature and soon after diagnosed with Autism I think I can safely say I have changed. I don't want to be the old Tina. I kinda like the new and improved Tina. Yeah,...she's a little less fit, aged a bit and scared much more often. But that feels okay right now.
I can't fix the Autism thing...I am trying my best everyday to learn more about it so I can help Angelina live a good life. I am trying to make others aware of Autism and what it is so they can help Angelina have a good life.  Autism is a piece of my life I have little control of. I need a lot of help everyday from teachers, therapists, doctors , friends and family to live our life. I am the new Tina who puts her faith in many different hands than just my own. I am the new Tina who now needs to rely on others to fix some of my problems and give me valuable guidance.  The new Tina can't handle everything like she use to but is doing a good job trying.
 
Being a mom has  turned out to be quite a different role than I had imagined. I believe I was given this special job because I can handle it and I needed to become a new version of the old Tina.. I hope so. I do know that I wouldn't change a thing about my life as a mom. I have grown in many ways and have become even stronger than I was before. I guess when you are blessed with such a gift of love in your life nothing will ever be too hard.