It's Coming!!!!

Angelina has been talking so so much more lately. It's a joy to hear. I don't care if a lot of the speech is still scripted ( meaning she repeats sentences she hears from a video or show she's watching)! She is yakking away and that's what counts. I remember nights I would lay awake all night crying and thinking about what life would be like for her if she never spoke a word. How sad it would be not too hear that beautiful voice?
Much of her speech today is in fact appropriate. I love when she comes home from school and says to me or my husband "Can I get a hug?" Or when she is sitting on the potty reading one of her Potty training books and says " I pull down my pants and try to peep o poop". Even that brings a smile  to my face.

I am so happy with any progress Angelina makes. Even small steps, baby steps...it's all good. Progress and hope is what parents like us live for. Hope that someday she will tell me what her day was like and she will tell how she feels. Yes... I know those days will come.

Happy Mothers Day!

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh


As Mothers Day approaches each year, I think how different, yet wonderful life has been for me over the last five and one half years. Wonderful, yes, being a mother has been the best thing to ever happen to me. Different, that too. Every woman changes once she becomes a mother but being a mother of a  child with autism has changed me in so many more ways than I expected. I don't believe the old Tina can ever exist again.
For years after Angelina was born I tried to find that old Tina. I wanted desperately to be her again. The Tina that could make everything better by working extra hard and "fixing" the problem. The Tina who could care less what the world thought about her life and decisions. The Tina that didn't need anyone else help or guidance. The Tina who loved to climb the corporate ladder. The Tina who was in control of all her life's curve balls. The Tina who wasn't afraid of just about anything in life. The Tina who could handle it all. The Tina who wanted to make everyone happy.
After having a child born nine weeks premature and soon after diagnosed with Autism I think I can safely say I have changed. I don't want to be the old Tina. I kinda like the new and improved Tina. Yeah,...she's a little less fit, aged a bit and scared much more often. But that feels okay right now.
I can't fix the Autism thing...I am trying my best everyday to learn more about it so I can help Angelina live a good life. I am trying to make others aware of Autism and what it is so they can help Angelina have a good life.  Autism is a piece of my life I have little control of. I need a lot of help everyday from teachers, therapists, doctors , friends and family to live our life. I am the new Tina who puts her faith in many different hands than just my own. I am the new Tina who now needs to rely on others to fix some of my problems and give me valuable guidance.  The new Tina can't handle everything like she use to but is doing a good job trying.
 
Being a mom has  turned out to be quite a different role than I had imagined. I believe I was given this special job because I can handle it and I needed to become a new version of the old Tina.. I hope so. I do know that I wouldn't change a thing about my life as a mom. I have grown in many ways and have become even stronger than I was before. I guess when you are blessed with such a gift of love in your life nothing will ever be too hard.

AH- CHOOOOO!!!!!!

Angelina and I have terrible environmental allergies.  Yes, and like so many, the seasonal allergies have hit us hard this month. I have never seen Angelina suffer so bad. We do take prescription sprays and will be feeling better soon. I hope.

In the meantime, being prepared for an Angelina sneeze is like getting ready for a bomb to go off. Someone needs to scream "Incoming!!!!!!!"". I have just a second or so to run to her with a tissue . I am tripping over toys and chairs to reach which often is a futile attempt. Everything gets "slimed on" but the tissue.
I have found Angelina wiping her nose this week on :

-her shirt collar or sleeve... of course
-the throw blankets on our couch
-our dining room curtains
-our bedroom sheets
- her singing stuffed teddy bear
-my dish towels
-her soft covered books

and my favorite victim-

-mommies hair as I am sleeping next to her.

I know most of you are grossed out but what are you  to do.??  I wish I had this contraption I saw on another blog to attach to her head. That wouldn't attract too much attention....you think?

April Is Autism Awareness Month

Thank you to everyone who wants to know more about Autism. The more we know, the more we can understand..... and the more help, support we can give.

Many of you may have already seen this video which appeared on the news. I'd like to think this is the way most people would react in the same situation.  This is REAL life for many of us.


Click Here  to watch the video.

"Welcome to the Club"

To my fellow special needs moms...I love this post written by Jess.....

http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2009/05/01/welcome-to-the-club/

Taking Trips

We visited family this past weekend. They live outside of Washington DC. Every time there is a trip planned I get anxious. Honestly I get anxious about a lot of things. Always have but more so since Angelina's diagnosis. Going places isn't always easy. Sometimes they are... but sometimes not. Packing for a child on the spectrum is a job and a half. I have to make sure we got everything that makes the  trips as close to structure and routine as possible. Familiar toys, familiar foods, familiar shoes, melatonin to sleep, extra clothes in case of "accidents", IPAD...please don't forget the IPAD.  Its our little treasure. 

Angelina loves the car rides. She puts her head out the window and its the best smile I have ever seen. She is such a cutie pie. She sings and reads and has a ball sitting in the backseat for nearly 5 hours. What a champ. I of course am not as comfortable. I am worried she will have to pee and not be able to communicate this to us ( Angelina does not able to yet communicate to us that she has to use the bathroom. We are not sure if its a control thing, or if she just doesn't know when the feeling or process is coming. It is a challenge and we have had many accidents in many different locations). or that she may get car sick since there was a period last year when she would vomit if a car ride was more than an hour. These are the many things going through my neurotic mind. Its hard to be me and have a child who doesn't fully communicate. I am guessing all the time. But...she didn't pee or trow up on this trip. She was a perfect passenger ( Daddy wishes he could say the same about mommy.)

Our trip was very nice. However, Angelina was not as comfortable at her uncles condo as she was in the car. She said " I wanna go home" at least ten times a day. If we were out and about not so bad but inside was a different story. Our last vacation to Disney last September was quite different. Angelina loved the plane, the hotel and the parks. We never heard "I wanna go home". I think that trip led us to believe Angelina was a full fledged traveler. Not quite just yet.  This weekend sleeping was a challenge as it has always been. She wants mommy and daddy to snuggle with her. Not always the most comfortable way to sleep. And then there were allergies this weekend. The spring bloom was tough on Angelina. She sneezed and scratched her itchy eyes terribly. This made her very tired and cranky.

In all honesty my sweet Angelina has been quite a trooper in most "away from home" places. She is now more flexible and more able to transition. She usually entertains herself with some help from mommy and daddy. Things are quite different from the tantrum filled screaming days we use to know.

Yes....things are getting better.

Us too...someday?

Recently I had a couple of fellow special needs moms tell me there child no longer had a diagnosis. They were undiagnosed. Wow...that's great to hear. Its always encouraging to hear such hopeful stories. See the smile on the moms faces. I am truly happy  for anyone who receives that great news.
While I feel so many different emotions on the topic, I can't lie that I have the thought "why not Angelina?  Why not me?"
I start dreaming of all the things that would be different if Angelina was undiagnosed. She and I could talk about her day...everyday. We could go shopping together and pick out pretty clothes for her to wear. We could get our nails done together. We could.....
But then I look across the room at Angelina and I know what I share with her right now in time is enough. We have our own special moments...we laugh together, we talk our own language to each other and we snuggle all the time. We love each other more than anything or anyone can imagine.

That's plenty to be happy about.